Review of Nurtureshock

(Updated for clarity)

This is a part of a review of the book Nurtureshock, which I will be downloading to my Kindle when I go up to bed tonight.

While there are many improvements for life as a kid today - like car seats and really cool playground equipment - a lot of things are downright stressful and disappointing. Here is a top ten list of things I personally can't stand as a modern American parent:

 1.Playdates.
2.Endless "after school activities" that eliminate dinner altogether
3.Uggs, Beatles Guitar Hero and cell phones for 9 year-olds

4.The lack of freedom for kids to ride bikes all over town for fun

5.No paper routes or lawn mowing or weed pulling for extra cash

6.No more "Come Home When the Streetlights Are On" neighborhood standards

7.Fighting constantly to "downshift" our family routine.

8.Having to serve macaroni & cheese or pizza at every kid gathering

9.Texting instead of using the spoken word to communicate

10. 8% of kids walking to school today vs. over 75% when I was a kid.


What has HAPPENED to us as parents? We bought into the notion that the world is a very scary place, when it is safer than ever. Toddlers are strapped down with every safety device known to man just to get out and learn to rollerskate or ride a bike, and all of their recreational time is carefully planned and monitored from the moment they can crawl.

My feelings on the list?

1. I will never, ever use the term "playdate" except in jest. I have some friends with kids, and occasionally they will come to my house or I to theirs and we will bring our respective children. But the point of us getting together is never, ever our children getting together. All adult social functions that children attend will end up with the children playing together, bank on it.  But to me, calling it a "playdate" implies that the function and focus of it all was the chiiiiildren. Not so, not in this house. I love and enjoy my friends' company.  I like their kids too, don't get me wrong. But I invite them over because I want to see my friends. The kids are just a bonus. I think adults today are ashamed of admitting that their entire waking existence doesn't revolve around their progeny. By calling "Happy Hour" or "Coffee Break" a playdate, maybe they feel less guilty about actually wanting to discuss something other than children. Words matter, as they say in charm school. Next time, try this experiment: "Do you want to get together for lunch/margaritas/coffee tomorrow?"

2. Hate this. It's been pretty well exposed over the last decade or so, so I think more parents are aware of "overscheduling" and the problems it creates. If Tommy's soccer game and Julie's piano lessons mean you don't ever eat dinner together, well then: Dinr -  u r  doin' it wrong, as those cute little LOLcats might say.

3. I get her point. It's about materialism, not about Uggs (which are, I understand, some of the best cold-weather boots out there) or video games or cell phones. However, I would not like my husband to go anywhere without his cellphone and I don't want my kids to either. Not their iPhone, or their Droid --- just some piece of technology they can use to contact me. Have you seen a phone booth lately? Thought not.

4. I rode my bike all over town one night. It was great, though I wouldn't recommend it for unsupervised children. Seriously, there are some places where your child has no business riding her bike without you. Chicago is probably one of those places. (NO, not because of stranger danger. Because of traffic. It's insane.)

5. I can't wait til my kids are old enough to mow the lawn. For money? Bwahahahahahahahahhaha!
Oh, and grownups in minivans have now cornered the market on paper delivery. Not that paper delivery will exist when my kids are teenagers.

6. I have mixed feelings on this. I don't have kids of this age, so I can admit that I literally have no idea how all that works. I'm all for them being out of the house. Running loose in Chicago? Not so much.

7. Not gonna happen here. We stay pretty much downshifted. Again, that could change with older kids, but I hope not.

8. Feed your kid "Kid Food" and guess what they're going to end up liking? Now, I'm a red-blooded American and I like pizza and I sort of like macaroni and cheese but I vowed to not feed the kids "Kid Food" 24/7 when they were born. Mary, because she has been raised on variety and "You don't have to eat it but you have to try it", likes goat cheese, avocado, unsweetened Greek yogurt, hummus, asparagus - real food as well as Kid Food.  Joe and I try to have positive food conversations. Joe no longer "hates" goat cheese. He "doesn't prefer" goat cheese. And Mary thinks they sell balloons inside McDonalds. (I have no idea why.)*

9. This is a societal problem, not a parenting problem.

10. A LOT of kids I know walk to school. I know even more who walk to the bus stop or train stop and take public transportation to their schools. And that's public transportation that lets you off a half mile or so from your school. But in cities and towns with no sidewalks or no safe route (due to violence or traffic) - it ain't happening. This is an urban planning problem or a breakdown of society problem, not a parenting problem.

*By the way, before I get accused of being a killjoy,  I have nothing against fun food. Nothing at all.  We have chased the ice cream truck down more than once this year, and it's only May. I have no intention of stopping. My biggest problem with McD's is not their food, but their business practices.  But a McD's cheeseburger can be a great treat for a kid. It probably shouldn't, however, be the food they most associate with dinner.We just don't care for it, so we don't go there. There is entirely too much good food in Chicago to waste calories on a Big Mac.


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